Early Summer, 1996
Ahh, summer camp. My friend Aaron and I were walking around camp one cool June night, and being 12-year-old boys, we wanted to kill every living thing. We were throwing rocks and sticks at a chipmunk and rarely coming close to killing the poor thing. In our efforts to get a good angle on the chipmunk, we had been circling a cabin that was in the process of being remodeled. Nature struck back when I picked up a piece of leftover scrap metal to throw only to find sleeping bat hanging from it. The bat instantly clung to my arm as I tried to shake it off and screamed. I finally woke it up and it flew away. Then Aaron and I tried to find it to throw stuff at it.
#3
Summer, 2003
During the summers of my college years, I stayed on campus and worked for the college's catering service. My duties involved setting up, tearing down, and serving for banquets and wedding receptions. One day, while vacuuming the large dining room, I thought I saw a pile of leaves on the floor. They looked too big to vacuum up, so I reached down to pick them up, only to watch as the leaves stirred and began hissing at me. Another bat.
#2
Winter, 2005
I had one room apartment in the basement of a house. It had moldy carpets, uneven floors, and fake wood paneling; however, I had never experienced any bad animal problems, and technically I never did. One day, I was recording a song on my computer. It took me at least 3 hours to record several guitar parts, make a drum beat, and record vocal tracks. By the end, I was getting quite hungry. Seeing a box of Cocoa-Puffs on the floor next to me, I decided to to try my luck. I wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there, but as I shook the box I found out that it had at least a few handfuls in it. I started eating them. They tasted alright -- a little stale which was expected -- but other than that they were pretty rewarding. Eventually, I started noticing a funny aftertaste... I didn't mind too much, but at the same time I felt a couple tickles on my hand and face. I looked down at my hand only to see it covered in angry ants. I frantically brushed the ants off my hands and ran to the bathroom to look at my face. Yep, ants all over my face. I begin to gag, but all that came out was laughter. It was almost as funny as it was disgusting. Are ants animals?
#1
Tonight
I don't pay for internet, so I steal it from a neighbor. Unfortunately, the only place I can get a consistent signal is from the kitchen table. This is annoying because: A) Other people use the kitchen. B) It's super cold out here. C) Privacy is an issue. D) There are tons of mice in the kitchen, and it kinda drives me crazy to hear them all the time. A couple nights ago, there was a mouse in the bamboo steamer that sits on the shelf about 2 feet from my head. I caught it and let it go outside, because I'm a nice guy. I'm pretty sure the mouse probably beat me back inside, but I just didn't have the heart (balls) to kill it. Fast-forward to night. I'm sitting in my usual place, playing some cribbage and iChatting. I feel a tickle at my ankle, and I instantly got a little freaked that it was a mouse, although reason took over and convinced me that it was just my blanket brushing against my leg. I swatted/scratched and then forgot about it. About 5 seconds later, I felt another tickle. It had to be a mouse this time. I jumped up and down shaking my blanket and cursing, figuring the mouse had climbed between my blanket and my sweatpants. I soon realized that the mouse was dancing around in my pants with me, and I shook my legs and it ran out the pant leg. I ran to my bedroom, pulling my pants off as I ran. I stripped off all my clothes and stomped on my sweatpants. The mouse was definitely gone, but it had gotten much more than it had bargained for: I was not wearing any underwear.
This happened about an hour ago, and I still have a nasty case of the heebie-jeebies. I got a couple live traps set up and watched as many as three mice check them out. Hopefully they will be full in the morning.
Lemon out.
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