Concerning the RNC

What's the big deal? Is it so wrong for people who have skewed political beliefs to meet? No. Protesting is fine, because it's good for different opinions to be shared, but does everyone have to be so uptight about it? I don't go stand outside churches or mosque's a raise a big stink. Okay.

Randy Crouton's RNC protest signs:

"I want to fall in love with a beautiful woman"

"I find female police officers to be attractive"

"A/S/L?"

"Call me so I can make it juicy for yah"

My favorite alcohol thread

Gin: Beefeater

Beer: Leffe Blonde or Newcastle

Wine: Spanish red usually

Whiskey: Jameson

Vodka: Stoli Raz

Tequila: Ummmmmm Patron? I've never had it, but sure.

Rum: Nope

Randy Crouton on Ranch Dressing

We live in a country (world?) obsessed with ranch dressing. Why? What's so special about it? Today I was eating some ranch flavored chips and was trying to figure out what it even tasted like... salty for sure... kinda creamy (but chips and dry and crunchy)... and kinda oniony. That doesn't sound like a mixture of flavors that would drive people of all ages to invite to accompany so many frequent forkfuls of food into their mouths. BUT IT WORKS!!!

From Wikipedia:
"Ranch dressing is a condiment made of buttermilk or sour cream, mayonnaise, minced green onion, garlic powder, and other seasonings mixed into a sauce. Ranch dressing is one of the two most popular styles of salad dressing in the United States, together with Italian dressing. It is also popular as a dipping sauce."

Okay, but why is it called "ranch"?

"In 1954, Steve and Gayle Henson opened a dude ranch near Santa Barbara, California, and named it "Hidden Valley Ranch". As a side business, they sold to guests a special dressing that Steve had developed in Alaska. The dressing was popular, and they began selling bottles that guests could take home, and later opened a factory to sell packets of ranch seasoning that had to be mixed with mayonnaise and buttermilk (packets that are still available to this day). In 1972 the brand was bought by Clorox for $8 million.
Clorox reformulated the dressing several times to try to make it more convenient. The first change was to include buttermilk flavoring in the seasoning so that home chefs only had to add milk rather than buttermilk. In 1983, Clorox developed a non-refrigerated bottled formulation, making it even more popular.
Ranch became a common snack food flavor, starting with Cooler Ranch Doritos in 1987, and Hidden Valley Ranch Wavy Lay's in 1994."

I just had to Wiki "dude ranch". So there you have it!

In one year from today we will discuss (if someone reminds me):
So is sour cream and onion flavoring completely redundant?
What exactly are those little, dark green specs in ranch dressing?
What new foods will be ranch flavored?
What new possible flavors of dressing that will be surpass ranch flavoring?

Signing off,
R.C.

iCANThascheezburger.com

Shoes

From memory: black wing tips, Calvin Klein loafers, Minnetonka moccasins, too small moccasins, creamy boat shoes, white Hush Puppies, green Keds, blue Vans, brown Vans, grey Vans, white beat-up Nikes, white slip-ons, white suede dress shoes, Kenneth Cole boots, Hawaii sandals, blue Converse, black Converse, brown Tigers, black Tigers, Sorel boots, white Diesels, black New Balance, black Borns, hilarious travel Reebok running shoes that I will never use, and Reebok cleats.

Umm, I just went to my room and I was a perfect 25/25.

Yeah, apparently I have 25 pair of shoes in my room.

Also, I think it will be funny when I start referring to people's

F the A's

Just in case no one already told you...

When in Rome

it is fun to look through your cupboards and find food that you purchased

when you were in Rome.

Post about music

One of the things I love about my quest for musical enlightenment is how certain bands don't make sense at one point, but after listening to other bands, the initial band makes perfect sense.

For example, I pretty much dismissed Captain Beefheart after a couple listens. Fleetwood Mac always seemed super cheesy, until OMG "Tusk" is such a good album OMG. Nick Drake used to seem quite ordinary to me. I don't know how I got to a point where I could appreciate these artists, but I'm sure glad I can.

What's next for me? I suppose I am still completely mystified by "Trout Mask Replica". We'll see.

Randy Crouton Greeting Card Series (#1)

You're the poet in my heart.

House to myself!!!

The house is mine for four days!

What should I do???

Here is my list: Pay renter's insurance, do laundry (check!), clean room, have orgy, drink vodka (check!), post new blogs (check!), listen to the Twins, walk around naked, sleep lots, wash dishes (check!), write a song, ummmmmmm I need more ideas.

I made this

I have one of these orbs in real life. When I performed with Spiritual Wolf Bees II, it was on stage with me. We got asked to turn down, so we stopped playing. Some guy told me that I did a good job, and I was really confused. That band was great.

PuzzleFood, where have you been all my life?

I love sunflower seeds. I love pistachio nuts. I think the only thing more addicting than their flavor is the process of cracking the shells in order to get to the actual nut meat.

I really wish there was more of a variety of foods that were not only delicious but fun and exciting to eat... Maybe a Sudoku puzzle that spit out Cheetos every time you filled in a box correctly or maze that you followed with your tongue in your mouth to lead you to a perfectly heated miniature corn dog.

PuzzleFood could be a great way to teach kids not to be picky eaters. It would also be good for people who are dieting because if the puzzles were hard enough, then it would be almost impossible for the person to overeat.

The world has been looking at food the wrong way for all of time so far.

Love Scientist Discovers New Subspecies

I'm not technically a scientist in the field of love, but I definitely do experiments, collect data, and make hypothesis about romance related issues. Everyone knows that there are different labels given to women (and men?) depending on what state they are in regards to their love lives. You may be familiar with cougars, silver foxes, golddiggers, and trophy wives. Well, this summer, I've discovered a new subspecies. I've encountered (twice!) beautiful women who are neglected in some way by their boyfriends who try to fill the empty holes in their hearts with Randy Crouton. They don't want to fool around and make that fairly clear, but they like the level intimacy that a warm, cuddly body on their couch can bring. I'm not sure what to call this species. They are fairly harmless, unless the boyfriend catches you with them, although blue balls are a regular occurrence.

I'm accepting suggestions for naming this creature in the comments section.

SexyBank

File Under: (Bad) Ideas

SexyBank

Today I went to my local Wells Fargo branch to deposit a check. I thought about just depositing it via the ATM machine outside, but I decided to experience Wells Fargo's customer service and went inside. I waited in line for 10 minutes and then a manager pulled me out of line and brought me to her desk to process my deposit.

So I get to thinking... It sure would be cool if there were a sexy bank... like the Hooters of banks, where all the tellers were gorgeous and seductive and flirty. I'm thinking that you'd have to have a certain amount of money to bank there, and that there would have to be some sort of screening process, but it would be nice to go to the bank in that sort of environment, wouldn't it? Ugh.

I was going to post about PuzzleFood, which was another idea I had today, but I'm too lazy.

I don't have much blogging stamina yet.

Last Post Ever

I'm currently in need of a new e-distraction, so I think this blog will be it.

My history with blogs: I had a blog in 2000 that ruined a lot of friendships. I intend to do that again, but this time I'm aiming for bloodshed.

Topics that will be covered: Bad ideas, photoshopped pictures and animated GIFs, the Minnesota Twins and other Minnesota sports, food critiquing, random musings, music music music, male hygiene, journaling, and haikus.

So yeah... I probably wont be posting in this thread a whole lot when the sun is shining, but I wanted to get it started before the idea got lost in a cloud of smoke like so many other brilliant notions.